Monday, July 26, 2010

the losing battle

he told me to pick the battles that i could win.. strategic thinking.. but, this time, i knew i will always be at the losing ground..

to console me, i would say i was blessed and i thank Allah for i was offered the job that i've been dreaming of.. not really the job i was wishing for - if i were given the option, i'm not so looking forward to be a buyer. it would be a routine job and with the 'forced rank' imposed in the (new) organization, i must be very very good to stay competitive and be wanted in their organization. no doubt that i will meet so many people who want to befriend me, and bite me if that they really want to be my friend, but just because my new business cards would flash the word 'opportunities'.. i'm not even in the new organization yet, still, i'm getting a text message "please keep in touch. i'm sure we can do some business..".. o my, o my... i'm definitely changing my numbers and not annoucing it to the whole world. 

i submitted my resignation weeks ago. of all three companies i've been working for, this was the longest.. and of the longest,i technically learned the most, i created a monster of myself, and i made (internal) friends the least. so, did i feel happy leaving the company or did i fell happy to be getting the offer? not a pinch teeny weeny tiny bit that i felt sad leaving the company. nada, none,non! and after what had happened, i hate it to bits that i'm thinking of all the worst horrible terrible sweet revenge that i can think of.

i found out that, after five and half years, the time spent in this company would br the much avoided time in my life that i would pick. of course, i met few, very few, good friends, working here... and only that is left to treasure what i have with the company. as i'm counting my days, the hatred is getting even worst. i knew, for fact that after working every single details on the price agreements (PA), and took me two and half years, with the management keep changing minds and literally changing person, i stuck by. and today, i was told that the PA coordinator will be going to Japan to discuss on the PA.. of course that won't send me as I'm leaving... but, what hurting me the most was, i was there for the two and half years, i proposed for discussion one half year ago, and one year ago.. i still failed to convince them that i deserve to go to factory and discuss the matter.. and today, they can simply decide to send the two-week newy-hired coordinator to discuss. 

i've been handling the east coast account for the past four years, at least. i was dumped into that odd place in kemaman, and was asked to go and see the users, to discuss technical issues. and as i've transfered my account the new sales force, never had they care to ask me about the customers... and the outstandings and anythings... they went and see the users, and they will always be two or three of them... i was there, alone, by myself, knocking doors...and customers were wondering what was this silly red-hair green-eye lady trying to do... all alone by myeslf.. and today, there three, four of them.. 

i'm sure there'll be no legacy of me when i leave the company. those customers that i've made friends of, will remain my friends.. apparently, there were more than i've expected.. i started with one customer in MTBE, and now, i have more in my FB list. but, i'm sure, that blardy old bugger that sitting in that big spacious room (and just because you got the biggest room, doesn't me you are the boss, idiot!), i'm very very much sure that he will tell everybody that i deleted all the important files (i wish i could, or maybe i should!), i made the company wasted by giving such a big discounts (why didn't you checked my work before?), my work was a mess everywhere (because you don't even know how to pronounce the product name, how can you understand technical paperwork?), and all those big fat lies..... my friends told me, i might want to leave the company with good names.. i might want.. but, thinking back, do i really need to? it will still be a losing battle for me. the stupid idiot i'm dealing with, while others knew i'm leaving to join the user, he can proudly tell my boss that i'm leaving for the competitor... this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, he can say i claimed my parking while i was on sick leave and when i confronted him he can simply say "you can't listen to gossip".. this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, he can tell us that his so-called close customer is now assigned to carigali, and this is very very close customer of his, while when we found out that the customer was not in carigali but elsewhere...this stupid idiot i'm dealing with, is pure stupid, and he is the senior sales manager for the MRO business for malaysia. 

well, it will still be a losing battle for me, but, thinking back, i do sympathise with those who still need to deal with him for next how many years to come.. i'm sure he won't be leaving anywhere sooner - who would want him, anyway?

so, me, losing?...nah... am so looking forward to leave.....
      



    

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