Wednesday, August 25, 2010


This is what i've really sent out. In case anybody needs any idea.
Dear all,

Here is the time when flowers lose petal
And others have to bloom
Here comes the time when the grass must be cut
And the mist lifts soon
Well, as per tradition I am sending out my goodbye email as this would be my last hour working with Penaga Dresser.  It has been a privilege to be working here for the past six and a half years and am sure will miss all that this place represents.  I guess in the early days we didn’t have any choice but to get along (and perhaps the feelings still the same till today), but as we ride on the journey and see the company grow, I must be thankful to be able to grow and gain life knowledge together with the company.
I, personally, with my humble heart (though I may be quite loud most of the times), am apologizing for things I’ve said and done – I’m sure I’ve said enough and done a lot, direct or indirectly, and I do apologize. I meant well, this time J
I am sure we will cross our path one day, so if anyone feels the urge to contact me, drop me lines at and of course Facebook (when you are not in the office, I guess).

To Dato Seri,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of the Penaga family.

Goodbye, good luck and you never know, see you later!
Also, Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin.

Over and Out.

Yours truly,

why must i be sad?

it's d-day. yup, finally.. i've been trying hard to construct the best farewell note to be send to everybody for the past three days, but , i guess i'm just not into it.. afterall, i intend to write a funny note that may sound rude and may not be suitable for malaysians culture.. hence, i just wrote it here... and wishing hard they bumped into this blog of mine and smile, if they could.

hi all,

as i woke up today decided what to wear, i realized it won't be much effort that requires.. i can just wear whatever i want, as casual as i want, as today is my last day of work with the company. after six and a half year, i finally made it.. i finally got the chance to email this note - a farewell note, a note that i've longed to write for the past five years. albiet the fact that most of the people i've known has left and i may be among the last, i'm still thankful for finally got the opportunity to leave. as happy as a lark, i'm glad i could send this out today.

over the years, i don't really remember any good times i've spent with the company. i could hardly recall any decent memories and i just don't give a damn. i have very few friends and they've left the company.. ok, except one and i pray for her to leave too.. (good luck, beb). as others, i'm not that close, perhaps i've been with you guys here in a short period as i've been in kemaman all this while. you guys are ok, but i'm sure i won't be missed and i'm ok with that.. really, i mean it.. so, no offense taken and no harm done. 

deep inside my heart, very very deep, i wonder.. i must have hate the company so much that i am so looking forward for today to come..i've waited for it to come five years ago.. am i so heartless that i've never like this place.. and what have gone wrong? 

let me tell you what have gone wrong... with exception of one year where i was promoted, the yearly increment that i've got never passed the 3%-7% benchmark.. with my low salary, that is very very insignificant.. it can't even pay up my tolls to the office. they said it's a standard rate increment (and i have evidence in one of the year when my increment was only 3%, one of the staff got a 22% increment).. and when i asked for justification, they would say it is based on my performance.. here's the thing, this company, never ever have any KPI set up, never ever have any performance evaluation where the staff never knew how we performed, never ever have any benchmark on the requirement to ensure certain incremente percentage, and yet they can throw this bullshit.... some of my collegues didn't even get any increment because their salary is high enough..what the heck, another year experience and they can throw that shit to them.. and talking about bonus, there's another thing.. i might have been lucky as i was doing the outside sales.. my boss at that time was ok and he valued my existence in driving the sales.. my bonus was ok... only to find out others got doubled that i did... and these people were higher income earners in the company... and they don't have to do anything because they are the managers..bloody buggers... those technicians who slaving themselves and the company is charging five times more than their salary was only give the minimum bonus.. the management said, 'better than nothing'.. and they said the company foresee the business is going down next year.. so, we need to save.. yarrr rrriiggghhhtttt....hey, don't the management know that we know their profit goes up to sixty percent of the cost.. and they even calculate the profit over the sales price and not the cost price (means they have more than that as a margin).. and they can throw this bullshit?

maybe most managers that made these decision has left.. to his stand, the owner may have said, it was decided by the managers.. still... you signed and approved the allocation..duuhhhh....

and talking about it, the (senior) managers who are still within the company (with respect to mine, he's ok, he's cool and he deserves more than his value now), they suck, BIG TIME. the one who is doing sales just sit on his table, staring in that laptop of his.. and i wonder what sales he's doing.. sales means you have to go out and meet clients and potential clients.. apparently that is not happening, and with his twenty years experience, am sure his earning a five figure pay and all he does is sit in the room.. the management said "strategic sales planning". another one, who is also supposed to be doing sales, somehow think he is replacing the COO and eyeing for the CEO post, is another loser. a person who can tells everybody that i'm joining the competitor while the whole world knew that i'm leaving for the user, a person who can tells everybody that a client is his good friend while he didn't even know which company the client work with, a person who can't even pronounce the product he's representing correctly, a person who can tell everybody that i claimed for parking ticket while i was an MC and when i confronted him he can blurly answered me "you cannot listen to gossip".. aggh.. the endless list about this person... and he called himself a SM with MBA scroll... you tell me, do i need to elaborate more? the finance, she's something we can laugh about.. she can request for a conference just to find out where is the document file saved in the server.. and last but not least, this one senior manager.. professionally, i guess she's ok. there's bits and pieces that she may improved. and she must stop saying 'it's not easy when you were held by ransom by friendship'.. what the heck, you are the manager, if your staff didn't perform, tell them upfront.. you can't manage them and you are asking for sympathy.. she must have been giving good blowjobs (oopssy) that the boss loves you so much. well, the starbuck incident (yup, someone saw you guys like a couple.. yuck.. out of all guys and places....).. personally, being a slutty bitch is the only way that get her way to the management.. the company has more senior managers than i ever knew.. kudos.

i, somehow, thank God for the time spent here in the company. i learn to grow up. as much as my bff who has more than ten years experience and still think her knowledge is not much, i can confidently admit i am technically sound with the products.. there's more to learn as we will never stop learning. but, when some clients can think of my name whenever they need technical advise with regards to control valves in general, i think i've done well. and i've made few nice friends. when i started doing sales in the east coast, a tudung-less lady with red hair and green lens, and no contacts except for her hubby, i've accomplished a lot. i never had proper training to give training, and yet, i've provided training to engineers, senior engineers, consultants and even have my own training modules... all this is my effort, and i never care to thank the company. it God's will.. the company never cares.

well, i don't think i've said enough, but i guess, if were to write every single tragedy, i'll be much happier and i must have to sound so fake when i started my 'official' farewell email with "i wrote this with mixed feelings".... not a teeny weeny sad emotions left within myself.. if they never care to value me while i was here, why must i care to pretend how much i'm in love with the company.. and thank God for i never love this place.

Friday, August 20, 2010

ever after

"may you never steal, lie or cheat - but if you must steal, steal away my sorrows; if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life; if you must cheat, then please cheat death coz i know i can't live without you around".... i heard it quoted in the movie, leap year (2010).

sigh, it's the hopeless romantic lady again.well, at 3:30pm six years ago, we were all waiting. he was late, as expected. and so did his entourage. that was old news. he's always late and i should have known. he was fifteen minutes late, and that was not a record-breaking late.

as he walked in the mosque, i saw him in a glimpse. confidently carving that crooked smile of his. the same croocked smile he wore when he first knocked my door. i was sitting quite a distance, though i was supposed to be the center of the event. i heard him laughing, together with the iman and others. and i heard then, "aku terima nikahnya ...", and as the witnesses nodded agreeing to his one-time solemnization, i was officially his.

just few hours before the big event, i was having my lunch. and somehow, after twenty-seven years living in the earth, i picked a perfect timing to get choked by a 3 inch fishbones.. my eyes were filled with tears, and i din't recall who brought me to the clinic, but there was i. yup, i have to go to clinic to get it checked. it was nothing major, and the doctor gave me some medicine for the tonsillitis, just in case. i told him that i'm getting married in two hours time.. and he said "o my, you are not getting married to this guy from terengganu who came knocking on my door at 3am asking for flu med as he's getting married today"... and it's true when they said it's a small world afterall. 

so, there was i. officially a legal wife of his, six years ago.. and still am.

yes, we may have lots of arguments, we may have tons of fights, we may have nagged at each others often, we may have forgot those important vital things we have ought to remember, we may have zillions of disagreements, we may use words that hurts each others' feelings. you may not understand why i need more bags and shoes, as much i don't understand how could i end up with a nocturnal you who wake up through out the nights and sleeps all day long. you may love to do laundry over and over while i grumble about the pile up clothes waiting to be iron. yes, we've been through the roughs, and there'll sure more to come.

but of course, we've been up through the highs too. times when i broke down and cried and all i wanted is you coz only you could make me laugh. times when you looked at the moon offshore and getting so mushy missing me. times when we just liew down next to each others, talking till morning. times when i bitched about that friend of a friend of a friend and you were supporting me with facts. times when we laughs being the proud parents of the two angels of ours. uncountable good loving fun times.

sayang, cheers for our sixth anniversary, and more to come. love you so much, i do, we do. and we the love is so true, it will have a happy ending, ever after.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

picture says it all

i've run out of reading materials and as i was buying time to wait for dawn to break in, i decided to clear up those photos that have been in the drawer, unorganized, muddled up.. those old photos of mine.

there were piles of them. the photos. photos from as old as ten to fifteen years ago. how time flies. looking at those old photos, i could hardly believe it was sooooo old.

it's true when they said pictures say a thousand words. there were photos when i got the shorthest hair in my life and looked so ugly in it, which i should throw them away, just realizedd that there were my late grandma on each photos. how i've missed her so much. she was one strong lady. she had a hard life. with a dozen kids to feed and raise, she went through the thick. she didn't married with that high rank officer, but to that smartly dressed under-rank armed-forces grandpa of mine (who i've missed also). and so, their life were not easy. my mum and aunts had countless sad difficult life threatening stories to tell us.. but then again, they always wish that their parents live long enough, just to let them see how great our life, the grandkids were.. we may not be super-duper rich, but we were doing ok.. better than those relatives who once looked down on them (my gramps and my aunts). i was told, my grandma used to even beg for rice to those rich relative of us.. apprently, nowadays, they not that rich as they thought they were. God is Great.

and then, there were photos when i was in uni. i've bumped into one of the person in one of my photos. that person did asked me if i were from umist, and i was stunned as i could hardly recalled him. and here i was, holding a photo of me, lin, meri and her ex and this guy, who still remain a mystery to me as i still couldn't remember his name. and photos of me, yan, lin,meri, climbing trees by the park. photos of me and ayu with our traditionals, preparing for the malaysian night show. of course, also, photos of my sis and me on her london trip - the first time i made the attempt to get in touch with my then boyfriend to be, later turn to be boyfriend who is my hubby now. the trip was brief, but i couldn't stop smiling thinking how i was head over feet remembering all the sweet gestures he did, like flipping my hair in front of the big ben, shyly helping me up on that lion in trafalgars for that nice shoot... agghhh...

as i kept going, there were photos of me in iraq, before the war.. that was year 2002 if i wasn't mistaken. another nice memories. it wasn't long when i was there.. i don't remember how long, a month or two. but it was something to talk about. the people, the culture, the buildings, the ambiences.. after five years in UK, being in iraq is really and eye-opener.. very different, but i still enjoyed it.

if i were to describe each and every photos in my collection, bet it's gonna be forever. deep inside, i felt like something is missing. i've spent lots of time with my families and friends. my memories with k intan and ija were photos loaded in the FB, our trip to bandung.. it was fun trip and we need to do it again. and now that FB has been blocked.. you tell me...

somehow, i missed that kodak 36 400 exposures.

Monday, August 16, 2010

colouring contest

the company decided to block the FB - hence, this is my next alternative to update what's up with things..

their dad has gone off for work, would be a short trip as he'll be back just in time for raya..yeah yeah..after three rayas, i am looking forward for nice one happy family in raya morning. anyway, as the boys were getting so used to have their dad for the past few weeks, staying at home during weekend was not something great that they looked forward to. so, i decided to bring them to wangsa walk, which i managed to get three pairs baju melayu each.. should be enough for the raya and their afternoon religious class.and as we were window shopping, the deejay was calling all the kids on the floor to join in the colouring contest. i asked my dear aidan if he would like to join, and he nodded. so, i enrolled both aidan and aimar. they were excited to get the pure white contest paper and the not-faber-castell colour pencil set. well, it lasted five minutes for aimar, but aidan completed the whole thing. 

on the hand, i saw this family. not be racist, so, i won't mention the race... go figure. this family, had everything ready. the small table, the crayon set.. and i'm so impressed with the parents coaching the kids, raising the voices when the colour were off the picture.. and i looked at my boys.. they were cool. 

for a rm50 hamper gift as a first prize, the family i saw did put lots of efforts in the competition. 

i've always be ambitious. i liked competition. gimme the challange, and i'm all set. i represented my school up to national level for quizzess. and i found out that aidan is not as competitive as i wish he could be. and he's a sore loser as well.. he'll compete if he know he'll win the race..else, he just won't bother. aimar - yet to discover, but i knew he has very very low attention span. i sometimes worried with my sons attitude. but then, looking at how serious the other family was, i guess we are okay.

they both got a nice monkey-teddy to bring home, and something to talk about..

Friday, August 13, 2010

walk-in wardrobe

as i dragged my feet from the parking lot to the office, at a snail's pace, i saw this one lady. she'walked passed me. she made me smile.

nope, she wasn't smiling at me or making any joke that made me smile. when i first saw her, i was gobsmacked. yes, it is casual friday for most companies. yes, she is casually dressed, and am sure she's on her way to her office like me. but her casualities doesn't fit well, at least that's what i thought. unless she works as a hooker or GRO in karaoke center, which i doubt it, her wardrobe was totally not in a right place at a right time. she was wearing a pair of denim, and a striped polo shirt, which she decided to unbutton the first three buttons, showing more than her cleavage, and she pull the big white collar high up.. and i wonder why she did what she did.. .. and then, after comletely dumbfounded with her sense of dressing, i smile.. 

she's not the only one. apparently, something that i won't be able to see much when i was in kemaman was the 'city people' sense of dressing.. the walk from the convention center to klcc would be an interesting ten minutes walk for us, the bff clan. along the way, we'll pick up those funny wierd people dress to kill.. and some really could kill with those bright magenta undies under white short hot pants with silver skimpy tops that you could see those 'valleys'... and that is just a real example, and there's more than i could think of.
as one of our bff told us her theory - they'll dressed up, simply, if not shorts enough, it would be too revealing at the top..or best still, they'll dress weirdly...

these people, they either have such a high self-gut, or forget to check up the mirror before they go out, or simply work as  a clown 24-7.

when i read the magazine, and saw the runways pictures of those designers introduce those funny dresses with unconventional hairstyle and weird accessories... i always thought ' who on earth would wear that'... apparently, i knew i was shallow enough not to be able to identify there's so many of them who don't mind being caught by the fashion police for capital offense and should be beheaded!... really, they should!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

could hardly wait

my bff who is sitting right behind me in this office has gone. left the company. she got a better offer, much better, with the competitor, and so they let her go earlier, and paid up her salary....nice.......i called her up, she's on her way to la-la-land napping in the ramadhan's afternoon... very very nice. i kinda miss her company. i was so silent, so not me, in the office. i, frankly, admitted i don't have many friends.. one at the back, another up there on level 18 ..not so many i could think of. and now that the one nearest to me has gone, i'm bored - to death. my work wasn't piling up. yes, i have a few, but that's been taken care of. i just missed talking ..aagghhhh....

on the other hand, i wonder how my days would be in the soon-to-be my new office. how would the friends there be? i heard they are boring. i don't know them, but people been stereotyping them. i'm sure gonna miss my buddies i left here. but then, after being transferred to kemaman and been there for nearly five years, i failed to make any good friend there and my friendship with those i left back in kl even stronger.. my bffs. and so, i'm not that worry now that coming to think of that.

i can't wait to leave the company. i woke up and just wish i don't have to go to work. not that work is overbearing.. its just routine i need finish them as i need to serve them as in the contract. agghhhhhh....

and so now, am counting down.. less than ten days u olzz..... ouwww..... i loike

Monday, August 9, 2010

once upon a time

i received a good long big hug this morning. when he fully awake later today, i'm not sure if he would ever remember giving me that good long big hug. but, that good long big hug would definitely be a good start for my day. he made my day.

it's so easy to please a lady.
our men text us exactly at midnight wishing us a 'happy birthday, dear', and we are okay with no gift and gleefully smiling coz they remembered our birthday.
we've been waiting for them to pick us up for nearly half hour, only to find out they just got off from the mamak stall five minutes ago, and when they arrived, don't bother to say sorry because they're there to pick us up, and we cool off forgetting that we've waited for long half hour just because they are there to pick us up.
a big bouquet specially delivered to the office with note 'sorry, i missed our anniversary,sayang' and we were head of feet because it's not easy for them to admit their mistakes.
we, ladies, are hopeless romantic.

but, we, ladies, always suffers from short-term memory loss. we cried and forgive easily. we nagged and stop complaining right after. we were in pain but didn't bother telling out loud. we suffered sleep deprivation and still we set the alarm half hour earlier. we daydreamed when those love songs were aired, imagining all those words sang meant for us.
we, ladies, are hopeless romantic.

anyway, i woke up the day after, and realized, he didn't remember the hug he gave me :(

me being hopeless romantic, still hoping..

for this coming anniversary,i wish we could have done things we've done before..
nice karaoke duets
relaxing watching movies (which most of the time i will sleep through out the movies)
holding hand-in-hand jaywalking in the shopping complex
great (expensive) dinners
enjoying the laughs playing bowlings
maybe a good hug serenading Genting's cool weather
and many more..
thing we used to do before there were three and four of us.. it been a while....

am hopeless romantic...

it's true you know - things will change after a while. we won't stay the same. we are prepared for the changes.

i just thought it would be nice ifs......

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

been there, done that

my dear sons,
as you grow up, will you remember how it was?
will you remember how worried sick you made us when you were coughing non-stop in the middle of the night, nights?
will you remember how terrifying it was when your aunt shouts for your name when she realized you were gone - and yes, you went missing for longest sixty seconds of our lives?
will you remember how horrifying we were when we saw you jumping on the trampoline and landed on the floor - and you were darn happy that you managed to pull the acrobatic stunt wonderfully?
will you remember how you made us laugh till we filled our eyes with tears when you move your body to the r&b music and you danced for the whole good five songs?
will you remember how impressed we were when we heard you humming and singing to that favourite songs of yours when you could hardly understands what the lyrics all about?
will you remember how you were so excited when you wore the wristband to enter the theme park, but end up we were at the medical center because your fingers got stucked on the themepark entrance gate?
will you remember how your kind babysitter back in that old town who took care of you like her own kids?
will you remember how you gave the protective looks when you saw us in pain?
will you remember how you remembered our promises while our promises were only to bait you to do the chores?
will you remember when we asked you to put that dirty laundy in the baskets, take the glass of water yourselves, clean the mess you've made.. also we asked you to massage us, picked up our mess and many other chores that were supposed to be ours?
will you remember how you've touched our heart with your cute remarks like "i wish my dad is here..."?
will you remember how guilty we feel when we realised that it was midnight and we still forcing you to spell 'brow' for your mini-quiz?
will you remember you were only five back then?
will you remember that mama came back over lunch the day after and brought that transformers toy to give mama some peace in her mind?
will you remember though you were forced to sleep until midnight and were tired, you still got all right for the test?
will you remember how guilt mama felt after that?

my dear sons,
you will not remember a lot of things.. that is why, when some things happen in time, you thinks its 'dejavu'...
could you remember to love us when we were old, cranky, stinky and still as naggy as we used to be?
could you remember to be a responsible father who takes care of your kids?
could you remember to be a loyal husband who loves that good one and only wife of yours?
could you remember not to stray around, having fun with girls, just because you think you can afford it?
could you remember to keep reminding yourselves to be the good gentleman who worth to be living and this good old lives of yours?

my dear sons,
you will grow up fine.. insyallah.