Friday, March 25, 2011


lama rasa tak bercinta.....
i was listening to a very old song.. not that old la.. Joe's "No one else comes close to you".. and i was drifted away - perhaps the RM44 haagen daaz might play its effect on the feel-good hormone kot...

we were at his student's hall, just lazing around listening to the song, and the moment, though not much of doing anything was very serenading, and the memory is so soothing that keep reminding how glad i am to fall in love with this guy.

i must admit, with my bleeding throat due to terrible terrible sickness for the past weeks (months!), and my headaches as if there were huge big rocks on my head, and my horrible horrible backaches that made me could hardly walk-sit-sleep-and-even-pissed!, and  my sleepless nights, and my sense of taste refuse to follow my stomach demand.....and the list goes on.......i just have one person to blame! it takes two to tango, and i was left alone with the sickening tiresome sickness! how fair could there be?

i must say, i am complaining.. if not out loud, my actions would definitely show them. and i still don't understand why he just couldn't stop smoking.. ok, he definitely try his very hard reducing the consumption.. but, if he care enough he would just stop rightaway (this is that pregnant woman talking!)

but then again, i heard the song.. one of our song, besides that butterfly song he dedicated to me .. it make me feels so good to have him to fall in love again and though he didn't say it as much as before (as if i do, la kan..), i just knew he loves me too, so much.

who would have put up with this crazy woman who refused to stay next to his husband at nights? especially when all the time he has together is very very limited. who would have bathe the boys while their mom lazing on the sofa, taking the long nap for almost all the time? the laundy was not done. lunch dinner was self-serviced. he's been away for a month, working his ass off, and coming back, he has to put up with all these shits..

i guess, it takes two to tango.. and i'm not the only one who has to suffer.

bang, i do love you..
p/s: once, he wrote me a poem, inspired from the movie 10 things i hate about you.. the poem is still around, but was in kemaman.. so, i'm pasting the poem from the movie.. just reminiscing feel good time..

10 things I hate about you poem

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

darn, i'm late

the spm result is out today (i wrote this first paragraph yesterday). not that i care so much. but as i was listening to the radio, one of the candidate called in and was worried sick.. and the deejays told her "it's not the end of the world"....

it is! it's not the end of the world. my sis is a living-proof. considering where she is now, i always think she did so much better compared to me, career-wise in particular. her spm result was not good. but it was an early wake-up call to her. she did so badly in her spm that she had to struggle to get into good college. she, somehow, managed to go to one of those 2nd graders college for a term, scored impressively and got to change her college to a better one on her second term. she determined not to repeat her mistake. she was in the dean's list for six semester and no parents could have been more proud that mine when she graduated with flying colours. she deemed to further her studies oversea, and sadly, even with excellent result from top ten university, she still didn't managed to secure any scholarship - they told her that her subject was not 'critical', but we knew she didn't get it because she's not 'somebody's daughter' (sue me for this, but i knew i was right!). anyway, she went thru well, and even secured a job with a Fortune500 company before she completed her degree.

of course, the sour-grape me was saying she was in the art-stream, i was in an engineering school. but, i know and everybody knew that was pure envious remark. she worked hard after the wake-up call.

as for me, i wish i could have a chance to be give the wake-up call earlier rather than wait for my degree result.. hmm..not that i'm not thankful on what i've got. should most students were so franctic on the result's day, i looked forward for the day. i knew, another day that will make my parent proud of having me as their daughter. it's been smooth sailing all the while, until my degree results. though i've pretty much has prepared myself for the worst on that very day, i knew there's no point crying over the spilt milk, though it has been spilt for the past three years! i've paid my price though. after eleven years working, i am now earning barely rm50 more than my younger sis who has just been working for five years, and next month, she surely will top me up with that handsome increment she'll be getting.. well, it's not all about money. it's something that i can measure directly. 

tu la orang cakap, rezeki orang.. 

again, i'm still thankful to what i have. i just wonder will things be different if i got the wake-up call at an earlier stage like my sis.

Friday, March 18, 2011


there were five of them. they were young, very young, fresh and energetic. there were actually four plus one of them. the other one didn't live together,but she was there most of weekends and public holidays.

M, always the ms organizer, the chef.. she's so good in cooking, and her ayam masak lomak was so great, and it's salivating remembering.
Y, the smallest among them, but can impressed body with the biggest appetites ever.. they always wonder where all the food gone, obviously not to add a gram of her fats.
E, the youngest in age, though may not look as young (sour-grape). she has a gorgeous looking iranian-scottish stepbrother who speaks kelantanese fluently and the girls always find reasons to let his brother join their activities.
L, may be the eldest, but the most mischief ones if one must say. there was one day, she, usually not wearing headscarf, wore the headscarf and requested to borrow M's library card, which later admitted that she was banned from the library when she attempted to 'borrow' a book illegally... she said she wanted to own the book!
A, she didn't live together with them, but she kept herself updated with the clan. by the way, she's the drama queen. she missed her then-boyfriend, she would cried and called them. she lost a quarter, she cried. she's such a drama queen.

they were thousand miles away from family (except E who has a stepfather in Birmingham) and they were 'fairly' young. they were close, bestest friends ever. havoc was the word wherever they were. there was once, the half-dead manchester-piccaddaly square came to live when the four of them came and visited A. they were climbing the trees, rolled themselves on the park, screaming at the top of their lung like drunk silly bunch of ladies when what they had was just a cuppa from starbuck. they just could have care less. they were free. they did crazy stuff together. there force the boys to carry them up and race to the end of the road, just to challenge each other. of course, they ate a lot. too much for girls like them. they could woke up in the middle of the night (and always Y would be the one who complaint of being hungry) and started pounding the garlic for some hot and spicy fried rice. and they stayed up thru out the nights, trying to figure out what was displayed in that starry blurry free porn channel they got the reception by incident. they slept when they were tired, and woke at the evening, getting confused on daylights and nighttimes.  they dressed badly with that same old sweatshirt and those headscarves that gramps wore to asda. they really didn't care about their appearance, and no wonder there were always boys around to join the fun together, but never bother to woo them.

and reflecting back, that was fourteen years ago.

M, decided not to come back to her home country, worked in Dublin, found her true love, a handsome tall irish guy. they got married in a sweet romantic resort in marbella and now blessed with one beautiful baby girl.
E, knew she won't be coming home, fell for a spanish hunk, got hitched and happily blessed with cute charming selena.
L, who could have guess, with her hijab, she's a changed better person. got married to a british, a very religious convert, and they are now in UAE raising two boys of their own.
Y, came back to her family, married to her then-collegues and blessed with two handsome boys.
A, knew she would come back to her home, married to her beau and could have stop complaining about how difficult to raise two active boys.. and she's now leading the girls with the third addition in the family on its way, and still a drama queen.

they have their own life. they've grown to become beautiful ladies with manners and well-educated. they rarely have a chance to see each other. but they knew, what they've shared were a lifetime sweet memories that they will cherished forever.

they'll be friends forever and they'll do just fine!

Monday, March 7, 2011

go away!

the old-grandma advises every pregnant lady not to talk about anybody you hates or your unborn child will end up like the person... gosh.. touch wood...

if that is true, i have big problem. i hate this particular person and i couldn't keep a distance from her and i couldn't tell you why here and she insisted she's a friend. i don't understand how can a person be soooo stupid.. i may not be hostile to her just because, but i was not kind to her. when she said something, i'm sure i have more things to condemn and being sacarstic to her rather than supporting her remarks.... and stilllllllllllll........ she will ignorantly try to chat up with me, trying to feed me with her 'juicy' story and i just can't stop vomitting!

the problem was, i led her to the path at the early stage. when she condemned about things, i just stay silent, as if i was agreeing with her.

and after these years, its too late to turn back time.

i can ignore her, and reply her statements with sacarsm, and drop hints to her that she ain't noble, and yet, she can be as subtly blunt and stupid as she is now, keep on thinking i'm her friend.

i guess we have one strong link in common, and she just need that link to gossip about 'internal' things to share her opinion.. as if she is noble enough!

yup, i mean you! bugger off lah!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

aimar demam

when i was pregnant with aimar, i was worried that i couldn't cope with aidan. he was only a year and three month old. 

but he was an easy boy. he was kind to me. the instance i told him that i have to stop breastfeeding him, there were no arguments and dramas like other kids would throw. everything went well, he didn't complaint with bottlefed, and i didn't remember i have to 'fight' over my breast with him.. of course, my husband were offshore half of the time, and i was in kemaman back then. but, thank to my MIL as she was there, and somehow, as i'm writing this, i missed her masak singgang... it was a simple dish, but no one could have done it best than her.. hmm.. i must insist on her cooking that dish for me any time sooner! my sickness was not any good, but aidan was great, and never gets on my nerve.

now, as i'm pregnant, again, i have two boys of my own. to-date, i've been literally 'abandoning' them. i was lucky enough to have my mum, dad, aunts, cousins, sister and all others to help to me to take care of them... to be exact, to take care of us. i stopped the laundry, the ironing.. the everything. the sickness is unbearable, and i just wished i could get back on my feet as soon as possible...

as i woke up in the middle of the night, i was all alone.. neither aidan nor aimar nor both of them were next to me. it has been like that for the past  few nights.. the boys normally sleep with me, on the same bed, but lately, them moving left and right trying to dozed off did not help much with my headaches.. always end up i would be increasing my volume, and voluntarily they would go to gramps's room and sleep... and this morning, as i woke up, i went to give aimar a peck, and felt sudden heat on his cheek.. gosh, he's down with fever, and where was i through out the night? kesian my dear kiddo! i felt so guilty!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


as much as i want to write about other things, my health condition won't allow me to do so. yup, am ten weeks pregnant and this whole pregnancy thingy is taking its toll on me, and i could hardly be as creative as i wish i could be!

i'm tired. for the past few weeks, i had this insomnia attacked almost every nights. i would wake up in the middle of the night, my head would thumped like mad, and all i could do was to lie-in on the bed for the next two to three hours before i could fall asleep again, and had to woke up an hour after that for work.

my emesis - nothing new with that. been vomitting continuously, and just couldn't get any decent food when the attacked were there. so far, i've been admitted twice due to dehydration. last week was worst. i could barely walked! and i was practically all by myself, considering my dear hubby was miles away (looking for the money to pay for the hospital bills..and it's not few!darn ING and the new scheme policy)...

the backaches were different. i used to ahve sever backaches on my third trimester.. but, this time, it comes early and horrible! i sometimes could hardly stand the pressure.. just unbearable..

i am so confused.

i've been pregnant twice, and i always have something else to complain for this third one.

i'm sure it worth all the pain.. but there's another thirty more weeks to go.. i really need to gather all the strength!