Tuesday, October 25, 2011


the song sings "...more than word, is all you have to do to make it real..".. lalalalala

well, of course, it's true.. words ar merely wirds when the was no action put into it.. but, being a fool for words, i always believe words are as important as actions!!!.. as i'm trying hard to remember the last time mr hubby threw thoae three words to me, i realized, it's been a while.. i tried ti figure out if there's any in his emails.. well, he did tell me he missed me..but, 'i love you'.. barely.. well, he's a strong believer of action speaks louder than words.. during the courting time, not much of i love yous heard from him.. yup, we did used up all the free minutes, we chatted thru mIRC (and i still can here that msg sounded and blipped),but as much as i tried to recall, i'm very sure it wasn't much.. not that i'm complaining.. when he asked the stranger from the underground to speak to me just to convinved me that he wasn't lying, it's his way saying i love you.. when he stayed up all night just to chat with me, it's his way saying i love you. when he gave me that atm card of his, it's his way saying i love you. when he made sure all the loosen screws were mended perfectly before he went offshore, it's his way saying i love you. when he said 'pls buy yourself that ipad for your bday', it's his way saying i love you... and more and more and more..but, as i know he would be reading this blog of mine, i just realized how much i miss hearing those word from him.. well, some may think this is pathetic.. he will say whenever he will want to say.. but i guess, this is why we both are still in this relationship.. when he seems to be drifted away, i must remind him.. and vice versa.. this is what we call communication.. so, do 't call me pathetic.. and if you may argue that his word won't be real and he won't be truthful.. i guess i know best.. yup, i may ask him to say those words to me, but when he say it, i know he's not faking it.. so dear hubby, i love you, and do tell me you love me too...

hmmm.. there you go.. i've said it..then again, to be fair, i don't say it often to him too.. i don't remember the last time i utterred those words to him.. when he paid that slimming spa package as a gift, and when he asked me to buy myself an ipad .. all i thought i deserved it coused it was my bday and i just went thru a labour where he still didn't show up (tho how hard he tried and prayed).. so, it was nit him to be blame totally when he didn't say those words as much as i wish.. i didn't do what i preached and i expect him to do the same...

i guess, after three kids, after eleven and half years in relationship, we just need to rejuvenate and keep reminding ourselves how muxh we love each other.. and we must keep trying to fall in love over and over and over again.. falling in love is always a wonderful again, and i'm glad that i have you to fall in love with.

i love you, i do....

Monday, October 24, 2011

ngarut pagi senin

citer adik-beradik..
susah sebenarnye nak citer pasal adik beradik ni.. never ending story.. but kata omputeh, blood is thicker than water.. pusing2 mana2 pun, tang tu gak pegi nye...

satu bende yang aku tak paham.. mcm mana menyusahkan adik beradik tu, kite masih nak tolong dan nyusahkan diri kite untuk diorang..hmm.. nak wat camne, air dicincang takkan putus.. so, simpan dalam hati je la..

bile cakap adik beradik ni, i mean not only brothers and sisters.. tu..yang berderet tu.. aunties, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews.. pastu, unless you are married to a tunggal orphanage yang memang tak tahu asal usul die, once you are married, your family expanded.. nak deal dengan perangai your spouse is one thing, nak tambah deal ngan fmily your spouse la pulak.. pastu, your adik beradik got married, nak deal ngan family your adik beradik spouses pulak... aiyyoo.. the story never ends..

tu, nak peringat diri sendiri..bila dah dapat ipar duai mentua yang tak banyak songeh, tak banayak hal,tak payah lah nak amik kesempatan..amik peluang.. buat bodoh nyusah kan orang.. and pastu rasa tak susah.. aiyyoo.. be thankful for once! and, adat and hukum manusia, kalau boleh, kalau tak salah, hormat lah yang tua.. mak abah tu, memang confirm2 golongan yang kene hormat, tahap dewa.. selagi diorang tak terpesong dari ajaran Tuhan..

hmm, itu pun nak kene ajar ke?

Monday, October 17, 2011

thank you

i turn 34 tomorrow.. well, i lost interest in celebrating birthdays when i turned the big three.. but of course i won't be refusing any gift.. damn if i do!

so far, i'm doing fine with my life.. of course, i guess as i get wiser, i need to put extra attention on my spiritual requirements.. been lacking and aware of the lacks since forever.. of course, when i was younger, i blame the devils for having succeed to control my mind.. but then again, i knew, it just me.. i just need reason.. i was equipped with good religious background, i just chose to ignore em.. and i really need to work harder than i used to.

as for me turning a year older, i guess i should be thankful with what i had. i am.. really..of course i wish i could be richer, slimmer, more beautiful, fairer, taller, smarter, and all a fairy tales could think of.but i definitely have to be thankful to what has been blessed on me..

i am blessed with smart boys of mine, and that liltle princess who've been sleeping most of the time really a blessing to all of us. my hubby, as much as there were times i was annoyed with him, i'm still thankful for having him as part of my life as my bestfriend, my soulmate, my partner, my lover, my atm cum banker, my life.. and best part is, this year, he has to be extra generous.. afterall, i went thru the nine-month pregnancy and labour, and he knew how to appreciate it. with the slimming sanctuary package and this ipad, i am thankful enough.

of course, am sure getting messages and wishes from my good mates and their prayers are enough for me to be thankful..

so, am i worried for the upcoming birthdays? i guess that won't be a prob...

Sunday, October 16, 2011


it's not difficult.. but it's hardwork! being a mother it is...

my sis, first-time mother, is struggling to be just a plain simple mother.. after the labour, she've decided that would be her first and last!! of course that was the first-hand labour pains talking!.. few hours after that, as she's determined to breastfeed her baby, her baby seems to refuse her. my sis even decided to give up breastfeeding after one week.. but her 'ego' stucked by.. she kept pumping her milk, hoping it would stop so she has valid reason to let her baby starts on formula. to add to the challanges, her baby would cry every night until the sun is ready to set.. her baby cried out loud. and to her inferiority, my baby aivey, could hardly shed tears.. all aivey does every day every night is sleep... and baby iris is the opposite of aivey!!

my sis, though seems to be strong.. not really strong at the end. this evening, it was the third time i saw her ignoring her baby and she just stayed in the bed, as if everything's fine! she really did.. and i was worried for her.

i just wish she is stronger than she thought she is.. being a mother is not difficult.. it's just hard work.. mentally, physically, emotionally.. of course some part of me is mad at her. how could she be so selfish.. but another part of me sympathised.. she just have to learn to be just a plain mother.

talking about post-partum depression huh? did i get the term correctly?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

.. the long pause ..

well, it's been a while. i'm blogging from my iP, hence, i don't know how to set the font, and most importantly, i couldn't change my profile summary.. am an officially a mother of three ;)

she has arrived, a month ago.. my little precious princess.. and i still can't believe i have a baby girl that complete the missing jigsaw all this while..

a beautiful innocent baby girl. we finally settled for aivey adela after a week of arguing over the name.

it was on the 14th last month! around 4:30ish pm, as i laid my tired self in front of the tv and aimar was lying next to me.. a sudden 'blop' of water burst, and i knew it i was on labour! as much as i was aware i was on my 37th week, i was still hoping that i would be on labour on th 16th onwards.. reason being: 1-after few arrangement, my hubby managed to get a day early than he planned to be onshore.. he was supposed to off duty on the 16th, but managed to get released on the 15th. 2-my parents were both on their 'business' trip to bangkok and will only be back on the 16th.3-my gynae was on business trip to milan (this is what you'll face if you picked celebrity's doc) and will only be in kl on the 15th 9pm. so, any sign of labour before the 16th was a no-no for me!!!!!

but who am i to control the Bigger force?

at times, there were me, the boys and my sis who was on her 39th week! and she was supposed to be in labour first instead of me! she was so panicked, that aidan even proposed to her to call 999.. aidan's voice was so calm and we both laugh. yup, i was in pain, but, i can still managed.

my sis drove me up, and as we reached the hospital, the jockey was confused as he thought it was my sis that was on labour..

anyway, as we reached the labour room, and as i asked for another gynae, i was told i was 6cm dilated. i confidently told the midwife that my contraction was on twenty minutes lapsed.. somehow, the machine picked my contraction was actually every five minutes.. it took me one and half hour to be fully dilated. by then i was on tge laughing gas.. dang! i was not laughing.. and yes, i was so sad as i knew my hubby still missed the delivery for the third time!! the sadness somehow was so hard that i could stand the labour pains! of course when i was ready to 'push', no word can describe that pain!!!!! my aunts, two of them, were there in the labour room.. they gave me strenght! we, the family, were not so good in showing our emotion, but at that time, i knew how much they love me and how difficult for them to be strong for me as they saw me lying there trying hard to stay strong! with three pushes, a tiny weeny human being was born. there she was, on my chest.. she wasn't crying, and all i can see was her eyes soo tiny :)

the labour was a miracle.. always... and i was one of the lucky few who didn't have to go thru the stiches healing process as there was none (lagi ada hajat nak opt for c-sec!!)..

aivey is a wonderful blessing. we went to the peaditrician after a week, just for a routine check-up and was informed she had an ulcer in her mouth! she didn't cry and i didn't knew!!!!!

she's been such a great baby.. and we were blessed to have her.. just can'g wait to explore all the girly stuff with her ;) so, stay tuned!!

hmm.. would i want to go through another labour coz mr hubby missed all three of them???? for now, let it be a long pause.......i still am struggling being a mother of three!!!