Sunday, December 29, 2013

thank you

am on my second cycle of my chemotheraphy treatment.. who would have thoughts.
i'll describe about it a little later..
but what i want to tell you people out there..
thanks a zillion bunch!!
i have soo much love
prayers came endlessly
well wishers uncountables
those beautiful thoughts remind me how i was not all along
thank you kind people!!
orang cakap, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul..
frankly, let me doubt that for once.
my hubby, kids and families been putting their very hard to support me
my friends keep reminding me how much they missed my company
everybody was hoping things were different
and everything changes
and i really felt touched
that was the strenght

abang, manje kuat sebab manje ada abang.
aidan, aimar, aivey, mama tak kuat sangat sekarang ni, tapi mama look forward for a healthier me to spend more times with you people
abah, mama, yeen, mi, k ani, miton, mum and semua2, thank you
kekawan, the doa really heal

this is just a start.
setiap waktu, masa, tenaga, ingatan, doa are my theraphy.
thank you

Thursday, December 19, 2013

aidan's 8th bday

we have about a week before i started my chemo.
i won't lie by telling i'm all set. i was and still am scared.
but as we started sharing the news with families and close friends, i felt so much love that build up my strenghts. my hubby consistently explaining to me on how i will feel etc and me, i somehow find something that has been missing in my life, the spiritual side in me. and i can never thank allah enough for the chances He gave me to live a better life. i know He will always be there no matter what. yup, it's a sad thing that i just got to realized it now, but alhamdullillah, it's never too late to change for a better.

we celebrated aidan's bday as planned.
aidan wanted a futsal bday party, despite the bday would fall on school holidays. he was busy distributing the invites, made sure his buddies made it for the day.
it was the simplest bday arrangement we've ever made. i booked the court for 3 1/2 hrs.
we  paid someone to deal with the candy buffet table and the goodie bag and even the banner. my hubby had to get the tables and chairs from my aunt's shop, so, that was a bit hassle. my aunt prepared the fried beehoon which my mom paid for. my bro-in-law paid for the KFC. my bro bought the pizzas. and we bought some McDs and drinks and some junks.. haha very healthy!!;)
my dad and my cousin sponsored few gifts for the lucky draw and the futsal winners.
the kids enjoyed the game. the adults had fun teasing too. i must thanked all aidan's friends' parents who drop their kids and some even stayed for the games.
the party was great. the kids had fun times.

while i was healthier;)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

the diagnosed

the appointment was scheduled for 1145, but i made my hubby to reach pcmc around 1115. not that i was too eager, but it was my hubby's first visit to the known hospital and so we were excited.
we only were called to the doc clinic around 1230. we were bored by then.
dr yeo, smiling and shaking our hands firmly. i couldn't remember what happened next. he poked my nose with that small camera of his to confirm on things and he told us it was cancer. and he poked my  nose again and tjis time he took some sample of the cell.
how did i react?
i frankly din remember.
it was smooth,the way he delivered the news. and next we were set to the next clinic to meet the oncologist.
me, with my heels, holding my hubby's firm hand.
never could i imagined we were seeing the oncology. my hubby never knew that oncologist study cancers.
my hubby was fast with his fingers googling things about NPC / Nasalpharangeal Cancer. he even can relates to which stage i was when he googled. he is sooo my oncologist.
and we met dr muhammad azrif, the oncologist.
as much as i was hoping dr yeo mistakenly read the test analysis, dr azrif slapped us with reality. he was so calm when he told us it was npc, or we might called it behind-the-nose cancer.
who would have thought.
that 19th nov 2013, we were told of such news.
we were scheduled for petscan and mri to confirm should the cancer cell has spread elsewhere.
then, i was asked to do my dental check. should there be any bad teeth or potentially bad teeth, it should be removed. i was told, if i were to undergo the radiotheraphy, dental issue will be a hazard should there be any.

i went to the dentist. i found out that both my gigi taring are still gigi susu;)
i have to remove one good molar of mine on the upper right side. i did removed the lower right side before, hence the dentist advised to remove the upper one.

the petscan was a very interesting experience. when they introduced the radioactive fluid, i was not supposed to move around to reduce any active movement in my body. went thru the petscan for 40mins.

next, the mri, it was noisy, very. took me half hour.

and when all done, and confirmed.

the cell has spread only to the neck lymph nodes. no other else.
npc stage 3.
dr azrif npc is common and curable.
i just have to have the courage to go through the program.

he wanted to start chemo right away, but i requested for a week extension so that i can celebrate aidan's futsal bday party on the 1st Dec.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

the tests

I finally decided to go to dr koh, the ent specialist in gleneagles after the lump on the right neck is not reducing in size after the antibiotics dr anand prescribed.

dr koh decided to give me a stronger antibiotics.

after two weeks, it din get any better.he wrote a referral letter to dr yeo,the ent head and neck specialist of pcmc.
my hubby wanted to be there on my first visit to dr yeo. but he was due for his offshore duties and stubborn me just wanted to go and see the doc and get over with it.

the day I waited for my name to be called upon, I was everything but ok. I even made a big scene when my hubby din called up as he we was caught up with work.

it was quick. he wanted to perform the fine needle aspiration test, or fna, they called it. he wanted to do it right away, but i hesitated.we set for another two days for the test.

I came back on thursday for various test. the blood test, the xray, the catscan and the fna rest.

The catscan was horrifying. When they inserted the fluid, I felt warm the whole body and panicky. I threw out right away after completing the scan.

next I was set to see dr yeo. I thought I will be on local anaesthetic while he performed the test, I was wrong. He simply poked the needle on my neck and that was it! It hurts! I remember squeezing the nurse hand as tight as I could possibly imagine. well, after I cried when they told me no LA, i figured they were much aware how scared I was..

the one day tests alone inserted nine needles on my body including thre times failures of finding my vein for the iv :(
result shud be out in a week time, but as dr yeo was scheduled for oversea trip, and plus I wanted my hubby to be there for the result too, we took two and half week to hear from dr yeo.