Tuesday, September 30, 2014

our unsung hero

i know, what i'm about to write was never in my outstanding list.
but then again, before the heat gone mellow, i need to write this out.
congratulation along!!
well, i was not much an athlete myself, but others than kak ain is! i am more of the nerd and geek in the family.

yesterday, my cousin, mohd ezuan bin nasir khan came back from incheon, korea. after so many trips, after so many arrivals, after so many competitions, after so many years, his arrival yesterday was the most waited one.. truth is, it was not the usual comeback. it's payback time.

when he got in the sek bukit jalil to be trained as one of the candidate to become a national shooter, i was impressed. all of us were. i didn't even knew that he was into shooting. it was a hobby that he put in when his dad-who-spoilt-his-kids-to-death included along's name to join the subsidized shooting club at his workplace. obviously, the expert saw him, and offered to train him professionally and he was only fourteen (if i wasn't mistaken). i was not supportive as i never knew he would go far being a sportsman in malaysia. anyhow anywho, he was in bukit jalil like as long as we could remember.

he was progressing quite well, representing kuala lumpur, selangor and in the national team (but was usually the benchwarmer).  when he won the gold in sukma the first time, the whole family were so proud of him. then, he won too many national medals, but never internationally. so, the medals were norm. as shooting was never the favourite game like football, badminton and few others, the attention from the nation and us the family were so-so. when he won, he won, when he doesn't, no harm done.
somehow, he wasn't performing at par and was being 'kicked' from the national team. the navy took him when bukit jalil slashed him out. of course there were politics and dramas, but am in no position to write about it here.

July this year, he impressed me when he told me he was leaving for scotland to represent malaysia in the commonwealths' games. the family and i were never been so proud to know one of the sportsmen leaving for the country was this skinny bone guy, along, as his nicked has always been. he missed the eid celebration and the lil brother's engagement event for that. he didn't won anything, but being in the 6th place for the 10m air rifle men in the commonwealths' games was something that he should be proud of himself. we were hopeful, but was never disappointed.

and this month, he was off to incheon. the family prayed hard. we wanted him to win a medal for us. we wanted more than anyone can imagine to see jalur gemilang being flagged during the award ceremony, and if we were lucky, we even hear negaraku to be played.

like the usual, we didn't send him off. his twenty five and that was not his first international games. and mind you, travelling on a ticket of being not a favourite sports, he wasn't being spoilt with hard cash.. maybe it's the same to all sportment.but to along, i sympathized. he went there with not much of a pocket money. he didn't earned much from his monthly navy's income. and due to him going to the asian game, he was not been given any allowance. yup, no allowance given when he went to scotland two month before, and even now. hmmm.... i wonder where the tax money i paid to the lhdn all these while.

i remember telling him "long, i won't be asking much, at least as silver medal"..

like the usual, his dad will be updating us religiously on his son's progress. he would text the group asking for prayers. he would text the group telling his son was doing ok. until last thursday, he text us "tengok awani, along masuk final 50m rifle"... and we were like ...ha!!!!!!! biar betul.. most of us were in the office that noon. but, never could i managed to describe in words how proud we were when our uncle told us "along dapat silver"... i knew, my uncle was still shocked. he always believed in his son. when others pushed him away, my uncle never failed to support him. at times me writing this, i was smiling.. my uncle was telling us how everybody in his office was taking photo of his son's medal - what the heck he brought the medal with him to the office? :)

that night, when we saw how calm he competed, and was defeated by 0.6 points (suddenly we knew about rifle scoring.... bimbo us!).. i got goosebumped. this boy, m ezuan nasir khan, 25 years old, has his future ahead.

it was never in the list of medal to be won. and as-to-date, out of 20 medals from the athletes for putting malaysia on the 10th place in the game, came from our dear cousin, m ezuan nasir khan. it was the first time ever for men's shooting team to ever won any medal in asian game.. this nobody kid from kg baru wrote the country's history. if we were proud of him, i couldn't describe how both my uncle and auntie felt. he came back yesterday. my aunt cried hugging her elder boy. i wasn't there, but as i saw the clip from the news just now, i knew the emotion was everywhere.

takpelah long orang tendang ko sana sini
takpelah long keje ntah seberapa gaji ntah banyak mana nak mewah2 mmg tak logik
takpelah long takde banner sebesar klia yang datang sambut ko balik
takpelah long
pandai2 kitorang ni, belum lagi tersampai nak dapat peluang harumkan nama negara ni
bijak2 kitorang ni, belum lagi termampu nak masuk tv, reporter interview tanye apa rasa bila buat satu malaysia terkejut
terer2 kitorang ni, belum lagi terdaya nak buat mama papa bangga bila dengar orang cakap "wah, anak kak aya menang medal untuk malaysia.."
ada orang dengki cakap nasib baik je tu
ada orang iri cakap, la... naper silver, dapat gold baru gempak
ada orang tamak cakap, banyak ke duit dapat menang silver?
ada orang cemburu cakap, bukan favourite sport pun, competition gitu-gitu je

whatever it is, please know, we were proud of you.
on  behalf of the family, thank you along...
kalau panjang umur nenek atuk, mesti happy diorang cucu die harumkan nama negara
thank you, along.

Monday, September 22, 2014

bila keadaan memaksa

Dear Human Resource of a Prestigious Multinational  Oil Company of Malaysia, 

I am writing this on my fourth anniversary of me working with this company that I once adore so much. Sadly, the tone of my writing won't be as excited as I was four years ago. In fact, thinking of what was in my head and my heart, I've cried a river...

I've submitted my resignation two weeks ago.
The reason was straight-forward -. NO EMPATHY from the so-called "HUMAN" Resource Dept.
As I was made known that in any big organization company, an exit interview should be done prior to any departure of any staff, I am so looking forward for the session. However, just 'in case' the 'time' and opportunity is not there for my exit interview, I'm summarizing everything all at once in this posting. 

I'll try to'behave' in my writing, I'll try to 'understand' the overall picture but I can't promise that I won't be 'bias' in my own opinion and thoughts. I have no intention to compete with the infamous farewell letter by Mr Rafizi, though I really wish I could have such a good structured writing skill like his. I have no intention to join the politics should anyone would ask "what will you do after Petronas?"

so.. here's the deal..

i want to be part of PETRONAS
When I've completed my BEng (Hons) in Communication and Control from UMIST, Manchester, UK (which was listed as top 5 engineering school in 1998) I always wanted to join PETRONAS. Being a MARA scholar and was in UK right after the SPM, we (the MARA and JPA scholares) were normally a 'second' class rated scholars as our monthly allowance was not as lavish as the PETRONAS, SHELL, Bank Negara scholars. We shopped at the OXFAM while PETRONAS scholar can afford the New Look. I envied them, and I always wanted to join PETRONAS. The student body took care of their students well-being. I didn't managed to get hired by PETRONAS once I've graduted though I've been sending my resume every six-monthly. Somehow, I ended up marrying my PETRONAS-scholar boyfriend who was assigned to PMO, PCSB. 

My hubby, always a smart genius. At least, in my opinion. Though he's too 'mobile' as his manager would put it, he scored well during his PPA. He managed to secure handsome bonus every year. Being as one of the top rated, high-flyer, and even in the HPS list, he was rewarded very well, just as much as the company valued him. On the other hand, him being bonded with PETRONAS would mean I won't got a secure direct employment job offer from PETRONAS. 

And there was my younger sister, getting an offer as a HR executive with PETRONAS. Her stories was like a fairy tale. She went for a lecturer post interview, just to get slammed down by the interviewer due to her too specific degree course. Of course, she was bold enough to 'slammed' back the interviewers by giving them her own piece of mind. She impressed the PETRONAS interviewer who happened to be one of the panel. She was offered a job way before her graduation day. She was a hardworking girl, trust me, she's a sad workaholic if i have to label her. But a person with such high commitment and full of integrity, being a HR exec in PETRONAS is never and easy task for her. Typical 'orang kita', she was harassed for recommendations, begged for sympathies and threw at with vulgar words when she 'couldn't' help anyone being employed by PETRONAS. As if she owned the company. What i'm trying to tell is that, she couldn't be bother to 'sell' my resume to any of the PETRONAS management, just because... but of course, I envy her. She excelled with flying colours in what she was assigned to. Her higher management speaks highly of her.  

PETRONAS rewarded good people like my husband and my sister very well. yes, they rewarded others as well, but if you are excellence, the rewards were awesome! This is how they value their staff. 

my creditiantals
My first job experience was with a local company, which happened to be able to secure few jobs with the Iraqis under the UN sanctioned program. I was a fresh, young, lady engineer  involved with multi millions control system contract in Iraq. The company trusted the team and I so much and sent us off to Baghdad despite the challenges. It was surely a lifetime experience that no one could ever pay me with money. It was great. 

Somehow, being the ambitious me, despite of the great Iraqi experience, I took up the Western Digital product engineer. Just because, this are a MNC which just be awarded best employer of the year at that time. It was impressive to deal directly with the westerners after my middle-east experience. But, it didn't last long. I need to be in the oil & gas industry again. 

I got a great offer with one of the local contractor that was a joint-venture MNC based in US. I smoothly impressed the Greek-born VP and was handed the offer letter right after my interview. The company treated me well. It sharpened my technical knowledge with complete training, it challenged my leadership skill, it exposed me on how PETRONAS engineers really work (and nope, i'm not going to start on that..) I was satisfied with the company, despite the less than 3% yearly increment. Still, as my husband left PETRONAS, I saw my long buried ambition was re-lightened.

the opportunity not to be missed
I submitted my resume online. yup, i did ask my sister for a favour, but all she did was telling me we've received your resume. I was called for a chit-chat session which then led to the interview. Alhamdullillah, rezeki Allah tentukan, I was offered a post with SCM PCSB. Despite the reduced benefits, i was still thankful. Frankly, my husband hesitated. He was quite skeptical of letting his outspoken wife to be working in PETRONAS, especially the idea of me working in KLCC. But, he knew it has always been my dream, and that was the sacrifice he made for his love. My close friends doubted me. They said i won't be able to adapt with PETRONAS environment and culture. Somehow, the ambitious me who been wanting to be part of PETRONAS family was too strong in my veins, i put full confidence and took up the job offer. 

My first ten-month of working in PETRONAS was not something I was proud of. Asked my friends, I kept complaining.. not because of the high workload, but I felt my integrity was being put in jeopardy. My superior 'refused' to load me work, and I felt like I was overpaid and underworked. And as the department reshuffled, I was blessed for been given such opportunities to shine. I've gone through 2 PPA sessions,and I excelled in it. Being rated 2 in two consecutive years, it is something that I could bragged about. My management, up to my General Manager recognized my work. As a service provider, I believed I've done well and my users prefer to work with me for the next project though my superior had to reject the request as I was tied up with other assignments. I love my job. 

and i fell sick
And wham bam! I was diagnosed with Nasal Cancer Stage 3 in Nov 2013. I was needed to be put in the treatment right away. I told my superior and my management were made aware of my condition at that time. it has always about work when it come to my colleague, but i heard they initiated a solat hajat for the whole department, just to send prayers for my well-being, i shed tears.. never have i imagined i was so close to their hearts. with my loud voice, i always thought they won't bother about this girl who talked whatever she likes. but i was wrong. they proved me wrong. my Senior Manager cried when she met my sister asking my well-being back then. 

I've went through three chemo cycle in December. one cycle would take up three weeks. and after completed the chemo, I was put through a daily-thirty-three session of radiotheraphy. It wasn't an interesting experience to share. Even at the times of writing this, the side effects still around, and I was constantly reminded of the worst anyone could ever gone through. I shut everybody off during the treatment. I didn't accept any visitor as I couldn't be the cheerful me that they used to know. In june, I went through the MRI, and my oncologist told us there's no more active cancer cell behind my nose. alhamdullillah. we've fought the battle and won. 

I decided to come back to the office after raya, that was the first week in August. 

So what's missing here... the PROCEDURE and Company Policy. Yes, I was well aware with policies and procedures.. especially working with SCM, i respected policies, procedures and contractual agreements. something that i've learned, and upheld strongly. 

so here's the missing link..

such a commotion
i was sick since Dec, and shut everybody off even my sister during my weakest darkest life experience. it was only three months after that i talked about worked with my sister. i told her, please checked on things i need to submit to the HR as I've waaay past my MCs allocation. The HR Manager, Pn Fatimah, wrote an email to my manager, informing that she just got to know my condition and the email dated March 5th. Yup, there was a missing link when my manager didn't advised the HR accordingly right after. He was newly appointed, and if only other to be blame, being lack of experience would definitely be his defense. Shouldn't the HR briefed him well enough on his roles and responsibilities?  Anyhow, as I was requested for a medical report from my oncology for the HR to proceed with relevance leave documentations, my sister could only managed to to forward the medical report on April 22nd. My bad for being sick, it did take more than a month for me to get the document prepared and submitted to HR accordingly. 

The email chain stopped since then, and my sister wrote to the executive in-charge, Miss Siti Nadhirah, to pick-up the updates on June 26th, wanted to know my 'prolonged' illness status that we were under the impression the HR has been working on as there were no communication after April 23rd. A reply from Nadhirah came on June 28th., telling my sister in the email (which I was not in the loop) the followings:
i. HR is currently deliberating based on the report submitted and engaging the Internal Health Advisor (IHA). At that moment, HR are not able to advise any status yet for the way forward
ii. (Due to my scheme B insurance plan, my insurance benefit reached its limit and kindly HR is considering to increase the limit) HR requested the rejected medical billings to be submitted for their further perusal. 
iii. HR advised me to take up MCs eventhough I insisted to start work in July (blimey!), and HR will follow up with the IHA and expedite the matter in order to see whether I is fit to work immediately. 
On July 1st, Nadhirah wrote back to my sister (who is by the way not the same entity of my Operation Unit),stated that HR has submitted the medical report to IHA, but still not getting any feedback from them. HR advised myself to take up MCs as my sister's observation that I was still weak. HR requested me to submit MCs which I got a little confused in this request. Was the expectation is for me to get the MCs for every single day throughout my treatment? Aren't the medical reports stated is sufficient enough that I was having a treatment and won't be fit to work at that time? The HR also informed my sister that the rejected medical claims by the insurance were on their level 26 and will search and assist accordingly. 
Nadhirah, the executive in-charge, finally managed to get hold of  the patient's number (which I don't understand why couldn't they checked in the system) for her sister and called me on July 1st. She told me it was a courtesy call, and HR would like to make a courtesy visit if it was okay with me. well, can i deny such a courteous gesture? of course not. i text her my address, and i remember texting her correctly i.e. i leave in Ampang, Selangor and not Ampang, Sarawak. anyway, the text was left unreplied, and the visit was never in the picture. how silly of me to think that any HR officers would care about a cancer patient? I didn't even get a bouquet of flowers when i was warded.. my good must be not good enough to the organization that even the Human Resource doesn't care about me. 

Anyhow, on July 13th, Nadhirah wrote to my sister informing that the IHA was outstation for 2 weeks. Nadhirah requested MCs from me for their next course of action (and as-to-date, I still wonder what sort of MCs she was expecting for.. the MCs for a GP? my oncologist letter is insufficient?) She also informed that she has received the rejected AIA claims to be forwarded for the Management's consideration (on the request to increase the burst limit). 

I came to the office after the long raya holidays. Truth was, I wasn't very well, but waiting for the IHA to set a meet-up date with me was like forever. Furthermore, I'm sure all Nadhirah would advised was for me to go and get MCs, again and again. She might not know, I was not an MC person. I would prefer to take EL if I were down with migraine, and sleep whole through day and back on my feet the day after. Even I was dead sick, and the GP was not giving me the MC without me asking, i would make time to go to the office. and so, I came to the office, reported to my manager, after nearly eight month of not working. finally, it's not really the work, but as the company never fail to pay my monthly salary, how could i just sit at home and take up the payment for not doing anything. yes, my physical strength are surely limited, but, doing some reporting, analysis, readings and few documentations might help my brain to start exercising. 

the first thing i did was called Nadhirah up. She shut me off. She said she's bit tied up on that day, and let's make up on Friday for brief chat. and how silly was i, of course i have to go to their floor rather than them visiting the 52nd floor of the same tower. The Friday chit chat was never been materialized. Nadhirah never returned my call. I was informed that she was busy with Malam Sekalung Budi. Poor girl, for an executive (E1, perhaps), she was tied up with sooo many responsibilities. so i fully understood how busy her manager would be as I never heard from this famous Pn Fatimah. 

I finally wrote an email to my HR on Sept 2nd, requesting a session to meet up with them and my manager was also asking the same. Nadhirah did not reply, but Fatimah replied on Sept 4th, requesting to meet up at their level (level 26) of the same day. My manager and I came down to 26th floor and were caught by a surprise as the brief chit chat happened to be formal discussion in the Senior Manager's office, Pn Farizun. That should be better. The senior management concerned. 

As I was greeted, the first few words I heard from her was "your case were brought to our attention quite late, it was like two months ago...".. and there goes my expectation to understand the company's requirements, policies and everything went ka-ba-boom!!! yes, called me not professional and was way too driven by emotion, but a senior manager of an HR department of a prestigious company, a Fortune500 listed company speak her mind loudly and in the open to a senior executive, who thought she did well in her job all these while and were always given a handsome bonus every time the PPA result were concluded, who just came to work to the office after her long medical critical illness treatment, who was diagnosed as a nasal cancer stage 3 person and will always need to tick the cancer box in m on any of the past health history screening form, a person who felt obligated to go to work because she received monthly payments despite she was away for medical treatment, an employee who has limited benefit and yet her husband paid for the medical expenses without complaining and she still insisted of devoting herself to her so-called career...yup, the ice-breaking conversation spoke by Pn Farizun, the senior manager of Human Resourced Dept of PETRONAS Carigali Sdn Bhd, at that point of time really stepped off the wrong foot. 

Yes, I was made understood that the HR can't proceed with my paper work due to no MCs from the hospital.. for goodness sake.. my oncologist has put it in his report clearly I was diagnosed with Nasal Cancer Stage 3, had undergone the treatment of both chemo and radiotherapy and has compiled the almost-daily blood test report for any health professional could interpret as me not fit to work. And the HR couldn't proceed with my case and pending the paperwork. How professional the PETRONAS IHA, anyway? and should there be any pending documents, how difficult for the IHA to be in touch with my oncologist, who happened to be a panel doctor for PETRONAS as he was in Prince Court Medical Center which PETRONAS identified as the listed panel hospital? 

My manager admitted that he didn't advised HR immediately when I was away for my medical treatment. So, has he just been getting the promotion, was there really a session by a HR officer to advised him his roles and responsibility? I wonder..

Without the HR asking, I told them my traumatized treatment experience. I was teary. Not because i was playing the sympathy game, but, truth was I hate thinking of the moment.. not even at that point, not even now, not even ever!

There goes the HR playing their roles game. I was briefed that due to the late acknowledgement (March was still late and this meeting took up in September when Farizun blasted me with telling without checking her facts right that they only got to know about it two months ago, so was it May now??????) to them, and insufficient documents, for goodness sake, they will still proceed with my case, but will need to back-dated everything. In the meantime, I am still considered as an AWL employee.. offense no 1 in the Code of Conduct!!!!!! As for my appraisals and others, there won't be any increment or anything as I was away from the office for more than six month.

I was sooo clueless at this point of time. 

Nope, not because of the increment and appraisal. I fully understood that. How could I be appraised and deserved and increment if I was not working? I just wanted to hear from the HR that I won't be in the non-performance list as that won't be fair to me and my employment record. Yes, I believe in reputation and recorded as non-performance will surely be damaging to my beautiful record. 

I was clueless when she mentioned I was an AWL case. What the hell was she thinking and saying that out loud straight to my face and all her executive and manager i.e. Nadhirah and Fatimah did not utter a single word! What was she trying to prove? That I am at their mercy??

I was clueless when she explained that she will have to backdate all the report bla bla bla. Do whatever you have to do ladies. But don't put me in your guilty loop. The Human Resource Dept that should promote integrity was trying to tell an executive that the report to their management might need to be backdated? at least, that's how I interpreted it. If at their defense, they don't mean that, I apologize. You might need to brush up your communication skill especially in conveying information. 

I was still clueless with her just made known about my case two month before Sept. Pn Farizun, though your manager started contacted my manager in the first week of March, and you were only being put in the email loop in April, that was not two month, that was five month.. and it might even have dragged if I didn't initiate the email to officially requested for the session with HR after I came to the office. It took one month and you executive Nadhirah just left me blank. Do you research well. Dig out the old email..read the trail..all Nadhirah was asking is to ask my sister to ask her sister to go to the panel doctor for the MCs. Don't come to work. The IHA will be in touch, but till now, I wonder what was the result of the first medical report that I've submitted and was sent to the IHA in June. Nobody in HR answered that question, and until today it left unanswered, mysteriously.

I was still clueless on many things, and I was still clueless how could a HR person who never seems to pretend to care could show NO empathy at all on the first brief meeting that intended to bombard a cancer survivor named me. 

The day after the meet up, I wrote the resign letter. It was out of emotion, but yes, up until today, I was ashamed to be associated with this prestigious company after what I've gone thru with the Human Resource Department. 

I night be just one person, a low-profile executive and worth not much to the company. My views might not do any harm to the organization, not as much as the famous Rafizi's letter. But I need to write this down. I need to tell others, how shattered a person could be when she looked up into such prestigious organization, speaks highly of the company, being proud of been able to work in the tallest twin tower, and was bullied by the Human Resource Department by the name of work policy and denied empathy by any human just because she was a cancer survivor. 

It's not worth my time. 


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

a no title

again and again,
i would start my blog with ".. gosh, this is long overdue posting.."..
but what the heck
there's a few in the list

i. the 10th wedding anniversary
ii. the kenduri kesyukuran
iii. the tun mahathir's encounter
iv. the aivey is now 3
v. the 4th working with petronas anniversary and sooo looking forward for the last day of working
vi. the health update
bla bla bla

bear with me