Thursday, March 26, 2015

Thanking out loud

My dear tok wan is 90 years old (or maybe more) and my tok is 85 (perhaps). they are old and not as strong as they used to be, surely. it always breaks my heart when i visited them, and watched them aging. back then, they would always want to cater for us whenever we were came for visits. They spoiled us with good food, food and many food. If only they could do that as they used to be, now. I love them till death. True I'm not as close to them as others, but we know how they adore and heart us. My grandma is having short-term memory loss. She couldn't remember much as she used to be. She could have put a glass of water on the table, and will be busy looking for it in the room. But, for her age, she still serves (any) food on the table for her husband when it comes to breakfast, lunch and dinner time. She would reheat the food that was on the fridge and served them. To the extent, she could hardly remember that the food has been reheated and reheated for weeks and some has even gone bad. One thing for sure, my grandad will still finish the food, no matter how, no matter what....

As long as I could remember, my dad and my mom fights more than then they could talk politely even at their age now. I'm not complaining. My mom tends to have an expert in figuring out how to test my dad's patience, every single time. And my dad, he never learned to accept that's the nature of his wife. They just got back from performing the Umrah last two weeks. The first phone call I received from my dad all the way from Mecca was "Alhamdullillah Ain, abah boleh bawak mama tawaf jalan pakai tongkat, not the wheelchair, keliling Kaabah. Alhamdullillah". With my mom's health condition and she always wanted to use the wheelchair, I knew it took a lot of patience for both of them to do what they did.

Ok, cry now. 

It's gonna be fifteen years this coming  30th March since the first time we were officially going out. Of course we were friends before, and were flirting with each other. 

And I'm glad, even after 15 years, he still calls me 'manje' be it when he's mad or sad, when he's sick and tired, when he's annoyed and being annoying, when he's near and far, when we are alone or in front of the family (or even public figure), i am still his 'manje', even he has a daughter he can spoiled, i'm still his 'manje' and he still spoil me. 

It started as a joke. There were me, Acap, Meri and Meri's ex. Of sudden, my boyfriend-then called me and Meri heard it differently "kau panggil Ain 'manje' ke Cap?".. 
"Memang lah dia manje aku"
and I was blushing. In the cold cold winter in Manchester, I can feel the hotness on my cheek. and that was it. I could hardly recalled what was my nick before that.. either awak or Ain. 

We've gone through a lot. It's sweet, sour, bitter, and all. And there's more to come, surely. We fight. We hug and kiss. We yell. We make-up. We hate. And we surely love. We (or maybe I) nag. We laugh. I can never stop thanking Allah for our jodoh. 

No matter how old we get, we know, our love will just be as young as we can remember and it keeps on growing. 

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm
I know you will still love me the same
'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand
But baby now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are, oh

Please don't stop loving me.
Doa cinta kita sampai ke Jannah... 
Love you, love you, love you, love you..

Happy 300300

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

raising the race against the religion

I have no intention in writing anything so taboo that would jeopardized my good relations with any of my friends; near or far, close or not-so-close, malay or non-malay, muslim or non-muslim, malaysian or non-malaysian. 

I was tagged on my FB wall to watch the S'pore PM's announcement with regards to the death of Mr LKY (Link 1: and my hubby shared with me this write-up by the Prof Mohamad Tajuddin of UTM Skudai's Associate Professor who had condemned the "Malays" respond towards his "very very bold" daughter's act on hudud in Kelantan. (Link 2:

I can't stop writing and rewriting this post in my mind, and as I'm doing it now, I must share my thoughts!

I am no expert in Malay development and history and everything. Trust me. I am no racist and do not label me as a religious extremist because I will only be happy to be called an extremist by the Almighty and not anybody else. Do not get me wrong. I am not picking fights, and I am not looking for any cheap publicity. I am not a formal educator, but I'm a mother. I may not have any thesis that entitled me to be called Professor, but I have values which I upheld. 

The Prof (as I will call him in this post, though my hubby has a more suitable name for him but I doubt that I want to type it out and explain to my kids "why does mama swear and curse?") is an insult to any humankind. I guess I'm entitled to label him whatever though I'm younger in age, I'd say our experiences were matched.

Since kindergarten, I was introduced to friends from different ethnic, I was in Capitol Kindy where the principal was an Indian lady who would speak English though we could hardly understand a word she's saying. I went to a primary school with a Chinese Principal, Ms Davidson, who would carry the rattan whenever. I have few good non-malay friends, Ka Pin, Jessica and many others and we never noticed we were different from each other. We went to Jess's house to celebrate Christmas, we visited Ka Pin's during Chinese New Year. And as I entered the lower secondary, St Mary School was among the school which has balanced ratio of students of all races, from different background (rich and not-so-rich, spoilt and struggled, smart and playful). I went to a supposed to be all-Bumi boarding school in Perlis during my upper secondary, and we have ten Chinese who joined us and we were friends, good friends. 

I was blessed with the opportunity to futher up my studies in the UK, into an International College of hundreds and hundreds of nationalities worldwide and as I pursuit my Degree in UK as well, we (my and my buddies) picked a place of fewer Malay's community just so we blended in. Or perhaps, during that time, I was 'quite young' and my perception about my own race is that "these people are good for nothing and all they want is to find horrible things about you and talk about it behind your back". Yup, I was one of those who avoided Malay associations and gathering, just because. 

When I started working, I set my ambition high. I wanted to work with foreigners. I landed a good great job with a local company.. we were all Malays and Iraqis. I quit as I wanted to work with a MNC and hired to work with the Americans. But, as manufacturing is not really my cup of tea, I resigned and got a job with another MNC, and my colleages were of various races, chinese, malays, indians, english, scottish, greek, americans and we worked with the japanese, french and italianos, 

There you go, don't tell me I can't argue with this Prof who claimed to have vast experiences with people worldwide while his resume (online) was just Malaysia, USA, Asia (perhaps) and others that he met over the worldwide seminar or educational conferences of days and weeks events. Oh, and he went to the Chinese school... so?

I have no issues with any of the races. I have few non-malay close friends (whom I still owe lunch meetups..sorry guys!), I picked the house we bought with a road of less malay. My neighbour nextdoor is nice chinese couple with two lovely children. And our there were indians and more chinese and more indians, and malays too. 

I do not want to post this blog at the first place as I do not want these lovely people think of me being too strong on my roots. They might read this post in different tone, and please don't let it be in a negative tone as I have no intention at all. 

And I have no intention to belittle my roots, the Malays, by all means. I always thinks it's the malay that is lazy. it's the malay that is too unconventional and deny development. it's the malay that is closed-mind. But, I remembered talking to one of my chinese friend who is complaining about it's the chinese who is kiase, it's the chinese who is selfish. it's the chinese who is rude. and on and on... trust me. should there be any racist issue raised by anybody, it's the race itself.. we know best how our race is because we are part of the race!be it good or bad!

out of sudden, due to one stupidity who knew the risk she's taking in stirring the community's unison (and then started apologizing with such an unacceptable stupid reason), the father came to her rescue. 

again, i'm a parent too. when someone scolded my child, will always be not the same feeling of when i yelled at my child for the same mistake he did. we will be defensive. we will protect them no matter how silly they behaved. but The Prof is being ridiculous. His grown-up daughter should be matured enough to know the risk she's taking. And as she took it, The Prof, a father who has all the time in the child world to groom his daughter, blame the Malay. He blame the education system. No doubt, I have issues with our education system. But that doesn't mean there's nothing I can do about it. If I can't change the generation, I can get it right with my children. The science syllabus did not teach the animal classification but teach them about animals lay egg vs give birth.. I introduce to him reptiles and mammals. We can surely blame the syllabus, but we can sure make it right. Especially, for The Prof. He is the educator,part of the system. What was on his mind when he made such remarks? All he can proved is what a failure he is, as a father who had a chance to teach his kid values but she shows no value to the public, and he failed big time being a lecturer in public university and couldn't produce any good new generation that he even needed to send his kids to the private universities to educate them. i was mad when i read his column, but as i wrote this, i sympathised.. o my o my, how incompetent and impotent this guy is!

this guy was so ashamed of his own root (while he/his child enjoyed the 'partial loan from MARA' and I'm sure he was on either JPA or MARA when he was pursuing his degree oversea). Shame on you Prof!! Shame on you!!!! yes, i agree, i do feel guilty to some of my non-malay friends who were having difficulties securing loans and scholarships due to the non-bumi status, but then again.. there's always a give and take which i don't intend to elaborate here. but you, riding on your malay status, and giving such remarks to your own status, speaks for your intellectual level; zero or perhaps -104.

so, what do you do best? 
a father? toot!!!! we've seen it all!
an educator? toot!! i have friends who are 'real' professor (and i mean not associates!!) that all they care about the students, the well beings and even the parents.. while they can have their own good life doing some other thing... that, sir, is an educator! you?? you are a big joke in the system. please remove yourself before you embarrassed the field sooner or later!!!!

a good muslim??? o my, this is the big disgrace and insult to intelligent. i'm okay with the UMNO and PERKASA people who could never differentiate Malay and Islam. It was annoying and unacceptable at first. and it was the main reason I don't vote. but then, learning that most of them are not so privileged and blessed with good knowledge and high-level of thinking/education, I opt not to comment about it. but you???? you??? which part of RACE and RELIGION that you've can't seem to understand??? For goodness (it sounds more nicer with the f&*!-word) sake, it  never is the same!!!!! even my 7-year-old son knew that! Malay is a race and Islam is a religion!! you can't relate malay and islam as the same. especially for a person with such a broad "international" exposure like you, you can't equate them!!!!! what's so difficult to understand that??? That is why, when you filled in any form, they will be race column and religion column.. because it's not the same!!!!

so, you claimed you knew Islam, you learned Quran, you go to the mosque and you watched the youtube about Islam. Alhamdullillah. but then again, to quote "Second, motivation gurus and Western spiritualists teach us that our differences in race and religions are our strengths and not a cause for conflict. No man can live alone and so likewise no race or society can exist."  O mister, we, Islam, do not need the motivation gurus or the Western spiritualists to tell you that. Look in the Quran (and if you got it misprint, please let me buy you a copy, of the right one) which specifically tell us

"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted."
-Surat Al-Ĥujurāt, verse 13-

Really? You didn't know this exist that you need motivation gurus for that? Look, I'm no angel. I was (as you put it in your write up) once not "ritualistic Islamic". I failed to pray as I should, and tudung was way not too cool for a person that have a nice natural curl like me. But of course, my religion is always a Muslim. And then, news of me diagnosed with cancer woke me up. While it might be such a traumatic disaster, I still can't thank Allah enough how blessed I am to have this turning point. Some (and perhaps most) of my friends might think I have converted myself to an ISIS organization. They are more scared to approach me as compared to my non-Muslim friends. But of course, if the change is good, why can't accept it? And trust me, people misjudged others. We never knew what are others' struggles..we have to stop this mindset of 'assuming' and 'judging' just because of their two-liners FB status. And I do not want to judge you, sir. But, then, you were so 'open' with such comments and unintelligent  remarks that could hardly avoid people from judging. why? why? why? why did you do what you did??????????

Please Prof, be thankful that you are even entitled to enjoy the free air you are breathing in and out at no charge by the Almighty. Be grateful that you are born from you mother's womb and has the privileged to hear the azan the second you came to this world. Be proud of you root being a Malay, an ethnic that has its own identity (and even Mr PM of Singapore started the condolences speech in Malay and we knew he has the option not to do so ). Just be wise when you want to speak your mind up because looking at it now, it's totally has been violated and misused!!!!!!

Note to my children (and The Prof too):
1. Stop the blaming culture!! That's coward!
2. Walk your talk!! Do not claim you are good at something (such as educating young generation) and reflect the other way round (and nope, insulting anybody or anything publicly is not educating!)
3. Learn the difference!!Race and religions is not the same!! Never!!
4. Read!!Read!!Read!! Especially before you want to voice your ridiculous thought out loud to the public!
5. Be smart! Take calculated risk only when you are ready! Once you've sealed the deal, be manly enough to face it!  
6, Respect others! If you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything!
7. Do not look down on others just because you were an oversea grad! You were supposed to go and venture the outside world so that you can evaluate what's good and what's bad and pick your choice and open your mind! Just because people are not in sync and agreeable to you, doesn't mean you are right and they are wrong!
8. Have lots of friends of all races, all ages, all beliefs and all antiques. Share their experience and vice versa!! 
9. Be proud of your roots!!
10. Count your blessings!! 

There you go, I've said it.. phew!!!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

geng ngaji

i was thinking of just an FB shoutout..but there were so many things in my mindbox that i wanted to talk about the picture..a shoutout won't suffice.

the ladies in the picture were strangers who used to get acquainted because they went to the same boarding school twenty(-one) years back.

nope, they were not as close.
they were not groupies.
and back at school, they had their own groups and circles of friends.

(ok,now that everybody is wearing orange, i find it difficult to point out one-by-one to describe..hmm)
yon, the most left cheery girl (we all were) was staying across my room in the hostel block. she was not my classmate's 'cubemate' (or maybe the neighbour of my classmate's cube), but we were not that close. i would dropped by her place to visit my classmate. still vividly displayed in my memory box of her image and her books at her desk by the window. she would still laughed and screamed and pulled stunts, but she just couldn't be apart from her books.
yatt, the girl in black tudung, brought with her the orientation-T that was still loons like she just bought it yesterday though that was yesteryears. she's very reserved and didn't talk much. a chatty person like me would never be in a same ship with an introvert like her. but, no doubt, her smiles back then and now remains.
jas, the one holding the T-shirt, was never in my league and neither did i in her league. our class was just next to each other, but we were not close. she was ok. but when she got her groupies gathered, they could be quite loud.
am not saying i was good. i was horrible too. i'm sure if asked, they might have few things about me that i would make me say, 'really, you think of me in such ways?'

fact was, back then, we were not a clan.
but here we are, twenty years after, meeting up each others' just because.

they are good people, great buddies and how thankful i am as we've crossed each others' paths.
thirty weeks ago, i posted a shout-out on my FB. i wasn't looking for anybody, but i just wanted to tell my friends we can virtually be a group and try completing our quran recitation within thirty weeks. yatt texted me, nervously asking 'how will that be possible?' she trusted me, though that would be my first try too,  and joined me for the one juzu' one week challange. then, yatt was asking me to add on jas and yon in our mengaji group. yatt valued friendship highly. i was touched when i knew, these girls stick by me so that i could khatam my quran recitation.

we picked things up quite at first. then, as we've got the momentum, we were beyond control. instead of delaying the readings should we havd things to do and place to go and work to complete, we sped up. jas was soo panicked that she would be on maternity and so she sped up her readings so thag she won't be left alone. yon was soo competitive that she sped up whenever she knew her menses was due and even when she's off to vietnam and bali. me, i was ok until yon told me she completed her readings. i knew it was only me and yatt and i love to 'provoke' yatt in my own way. we all did. abd yatt was sooo sweet and cool. she's the strong one, if i must say.

despites of jas's hectic schedule with her consulting works...
despites of yon's thesis readings, lecturings, cookings, gardenings, exercisings and her charity worjs..
despites of yatt's madness with her kaizen career and cyclings...
they supported me. they were there. updating in the wassap group should they've completed reading for the day or week. they did it. we did it. alhamdullillah.

set aside the bickering parts, sharing stories, provoking each others, we did it.

these beautiful ladies are speacial.

thank you geng ngaji.. sayang korang sangat2..

round 2.... kite jumpe 30 minggu lagi (or less)...