Saturday, June 11, 2016

ramadhan 1437h

been a while... 

it is the 6th Ramdhan.. alhamdullillah. 2014 & 2015 ramadhan were tuff for me. though i slept most of the time and that was all i could remember, i could still recalled my struggles fasting during the first two years on remission were stressful. 

it wasn't easy as much on my third year of remission and fasting. but then again, it is only nearing a week, and i am very sure it would be a different one. insyallah. and i've been praying days and nights for allah to grant me health and so i could make it up for this year's ramadhan. infact, i hope to make it up for the past years ramadhans that i've wasted. it was a sad scenario to think how i've wasted them, the month of thousands barakah.

was the girl who took up my gastric issue as a convenience during fasting month.
I was the girl who gave excuses for overslept during sahur and could die if i were to starve myself the whole day.
I was the girl who fasted but didn't pray because i were too tired to pray.
I was the girl who stopped reading quran for nearly 25 yrs, and if you didn't count yassin as part of reading quran.
I was the girl who thought sedeqah would just promote cons.
was the girl who never knew tahjud is possible for 'normal' people and sinner like me and only reserves for the alims.
I was the girl who thought dhuha was only for the self-employed business owners.
was the girl who only knew about solat  rawatib yang muakad months ago when my hubby told me and i was clueless back then.
I was the girl who refused to do 8 rakaat tarawikh at home and only to be done in the surau and having toddler around is not something you would want to bring to surau. 
I was the girl who didn't know you could separate withir from tarawikh.
I was that girl!!!
ok, cry now!!!!!!!!!!!

It was horrible. i might say i was 'young' and wild and free. but i cried rivers hoping allah would accept my regrets. i really wanted to have the best of me for ramadhan this year. i have no choice. it's either i make it or break it. i must treat this ramadhan like my last one and i pray hard there'll be more ramadhan for me to make up for the loss previously. insyaallah.

it is indeed a beautiful journey. i have never stopped amazed myself of how Allah made it easy for those who really want to have a great change in life routine.

no intention of bragging or being riak or whatsoever, but trust me, if you have the niat, you set your mind, you pray for Allah's  help, insyaallah, you are nearer to Him than you think you are. Do it for Him, not you. It never as impossible as you might think it is. He is there with you. Insyaallah. 

He made it easier, so much easier for you. 
He gave you husband who supports you all the way and never bored to share precious knowledge because he cares.
He gave you children and parents who understands your constraints.
He gave you friends who join your struggles and visually coaching you in any ways.
He gave you rezeki for time, love and all others.

Just consistent! Istiqamah.