i was so mad about them back in 1997 and i kissed the ground they walked on... hahahaha.. yup, trust me. i was that one of the groupies! my favourite was mark... but dang... whom am i kidding, these blue-eyes man, kalau tak dah ada girlfriend, they were gay... so, masa tu belum jumpe boyfriend sekarang.. i stuck with this guy back in the home country whom i wouldn't mind killing if i happened to bump into him today..kalau membunuh tu tak berdosa lah kan... yup, i wouldn't mind killing him!
anyway, as i was listening to the season of the sun song, i remembered how i felt that song was written by me - especially when it comes to the line 'i was the black sheep of the family'.. i am, indeed. at least that was how i felt at that time, and as i'm posting this, it seems surreal that once a while that idea still there and i somehow realized that i am, still :(
we brought aidan for his MRSM interview yesterday, at MRSM KKB. we are, or maybe me the most, looking forward for him to join MRSM. perhaps because i was once an MRSM student... dulu, nak glamer, we were MJSC lah kan..MRSM melayu sangat :) truth is, i don't really feel i am one of the 424 students (kot) in the college... i didn't fit in well. and i remembered when i got to further my studies straight away for my IB in the UK after the SPM result, i didn't really kept in touch with my MRSM buddies... somehow, thanks to FB... i am now so close to them, more than i even was when i was back in Beseri...
back to cerita aidan. tadi, i was ironing, i wonder will he felt the way i feel now - being the black sheep of the family.
the family that i knew, that i grew up in, is a big family... with each and one of them dengan perangai masing2. tapi rasanya, dalam ramai2, i was the one yang jenis touch and go - the ties were closed, tapi, saya ni, mulut lepas tak jaga hati orang, berat tulang memang jenis ulat buku, and dalam reramai, i was away from home the longest kot - i was in boarding school when i was in form four..kat perlis lak tu. sampaikan masa highland towers runtuh pun i've missed it sebab masa tu ada kat asrama. lepas habis SPM, gi duduk kat cheras lak 3 bulan, english course. lepas dapat result, terus fly gi Llantwit Major kat Wales buat IB 2 tahun. Lepas tu sambung belajar kat manchester 3 tahun. Masa balik summer, sebok bercinta dengan lelaki hampeh yang saya nak bunuh itu... lepas tu, grad, keje... dapatlah 4 thn duduk kat rumah, lepas tu kahwin, duduk kat kemaman 5 tahun. walaupun setiap dua minggu macam kena balik kl. and that summed up, besar saya tak banyak besar kat rumah.
and i guess that explains why i couldn't understand others and others couldn't understand me..taste laki pun tak masuk spec orang... bukan set orang mulia... haish! mulut sangat puaka... he need to be super best to beat me in that, kan? .. mohon jangan terasa!
and as i'm doing my stuff in the room, i heard aidan having conversation with aimar... kekadang bergalak bergelak..sekali sekala dengar ayat 'mana ada!' ... lepas tu ada pulak bunyi tak aci! cheating!... mama syahdu.
kalau aidan masuk asrama, dia nak masuk asrama jauh dari kl. dia kata, mama aboh kata jauh perjalanan luas pandangan. kalau dia masuk, he'll be 13. lepas tu, dia duduk asrama for 5 years, pastu dia nak sambung balajar kat obersi lak... dia berangan nak gi german sebab dia kata belajar sana free. lagi 5 thn. lepas tu, die keje..tak tahu jodoh dia rezeki dia... lepas grad, duduk kat rumah ke or menyewa ke.... for whatever... that's it.. i have only few days till he masuk asrama.
and i don't want him to feel like he is the black sheep of the family.
aidan, if you ever feel such way, trust me, please know, itu bukan cara mama aboh besarkan anak2... kamu, aimar dan aivey sama2 kami sayang... kamu dan adik2 penyambung zuriat kami, dan seperti yang tiap malam mama doa, mama nak zuriat kita jadi zuriat yang baik2, yang mulia, yang disegani di dunia dan di akhirat..khalifah allah di bumi dengan benar dengan islam. zuriat kita will make us proud.
dan kalau ada unsur lain that makes you feel like you are a black sheep, please know, whether its white or black, the wool is just as warm. and some white sheep aren't as white as they try to appear. no matter what they called you, a rebel, mulut puaka or what so ever, is because you refused to fit in the larger group and you don't have to. nabi SAW pesan dah....hidup akhir zaman ni, ada 73 golongan dan hanya 1 golongan je yang jalannya ke syurga... insyaallah..kita usaha jadi golongan itu.
just let it be.
and just know, we love you, and we never stop loving you, lillahitaala.
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